View from the DSU Prayer Station - Into the Woods

I prayed for a student with cancer today.

I cannot imagine.  As always when I pray for people with big, scary stuff, the words seemed so inadequate.  I have to trust that God speaks through them because the words seem so small, such tiny points of light to hold in a very dark space.  Like trying to light the way through the woods with a laser pointer on a night with no moon.  Healing does not always mean cure, and God's outcome is not always the one for which we've hoped.  Please, God, speak hope through the words that are too small to carry such a huge burden.

When I was a junior in college, my mother got cancer the first time.  My brother and I found out at Christmas break that she was going for an appointment to learn what it was.  I remember the day I got the call saying that it was indeed cancer.  I think it was a Sunday.  I don't even know how I got there, but I was wandering around in the street outside the old dining hall at Sewanee and I bumped into my friend Giles.  I think I told him.  He invited me in to the Banana-mobile, his big yellow station wagon that often let us know where he was on campus, and he played music for me.  Might have been Enya.  I remember being numb.  I didn't know what to do.  I didn't want to be alone that semester.  But I didn't want to talk.  I remember that I didn't tell my dear sorority sisters at first.  It seemed like I might crack under their love and concern.  I kept trying to hold it together.  I didn't know how to feel.  Though my head knew it was so, my heart had not considered that my parents were mortal. 

I wished.  And wished.  And hoped.  And prayed.  That my mother would live.

And she did.

I remember going to the rooms of friends and just sitting so that I could be close to them.  It was hard to focus on anything, and it was a very challenging semester of work.  I went home one weekend after my mother had her surgery, and all I can remember is how irritable I was.  I don't think I was very helpful at all.  I wanted my mother to be my mother.  I didn't want to take care of her.  I wanted her to take care of me. 

Today I was inside again for the prayer station, under the Into the Woods sign.  I went to see the movie last Friday.  "Sometimes people leave you, halfway through the woods..."  I am grieving for the people who leave us.  My mother battled cancer a second time, and she came out again safe on the other side.  I continue to be grateful for the extra time with her. 

It was very hard for me to cope with my mother's cancer when I was 20.  I cannot imagine what it would be like to HAVE cancer while in college.  I pray that God will lead the student I prayed for through her time in the woods and give her the comfort and strength and courage and support and healing she needs.  I wish...

We are not alone, but sometimes it feels like it.  I wish for this student that she would not feel alone, that she would feel God with her and that all who are struggling right now may feel the peace of God's presence.  There were two prayer requests today, two very big prayer requests, one at the prayer station and one from someone who saw our sign outside the chapel and came in for Eucharist.  "This is how you can pray for me," she said.  Please pray for them.

Prayer Station goes Into the Woods

View of the Student Union from the Prayer Station

View from the DSU Prayer Station - Is it spring yet?

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, baby, it's cold outside!  Brrrrr....  I'm sure my friends in northern climes will mock me, but it is COLD outside!  I did live in Chicago for 3 years, so I understand that those who are experiencing highs in the single digits may not have sympathy for me.  But it was 11 when I left my house this morning and is now 24 with a wind chill of 16.  Needless to say, the Plaza Prayer Station had to move inside.  I was disappointed, but there was no way around it.  Because the student union (DSU) at CNU has 3 entrances to the area where I was sitting, all of them with big doors directly to outside, it wasn't much warmer in there.  I wore coat, scarf, and gloves the whole time.  I couldn't even stay my whole 2 hours.  As a reward, now I am happily ensconced in a chair at the edge of Einstein's sitting in a sun beam and drinking a hot chai.  (But I still haven't taken off my coat!)

Being in the DSU was very different.  Much louder and more crowded.  Harder to concentrate on prayer.  Mostly I observed the many styles of coats and boots and was happy to see only one pair of shorts.  I though it appropriate for many reasons that I was able to find a spot right by Theatre CNU's advertisement for Into the Woods.  I couldn't always tell if people looking my way were looking at my sign or the ad for the show.  There were so many more people inside than I usually see in the Plaza, so I know that more people saw that I was there, though that didn't translate into more contacts.  Several people came by and said they were glad to see I had moved inside.  A few students who know me came up to say hi and exchange hugs.  It's nice to know more people this semester. 

I had to remind myself that although I know a few more people, I still have to reestablish myself and the prayer station.  Considering that on my first day last semester no one spoke to me, I would say today was significantly better.  The highlight was when a young woman came up and pointed to my sign and said, "Are you part of this."  When I said yes and introduced myself, she said, "I'm not even a student here.  I'm just in high school.  But this is so cool!"  She has already applied to CNU and was here today for a band workshop; she plays oboe.  She said she was wondering what the Christian community was like at CNU.  So I was able to tell her about the various flavors available.  She seemed so excited to see me and be on campus and to know that the prayer station is there.  "Can I have a hug?" she asked.  Of course I said yes, and I wished her luck as she bounced away.  Seems like CNU is a good fit for her from that exchange.

For those of you who follow this blog, I would ask for your prayers again this semester as I continue this ministry.  I can feel your prayer support each week, and I know it helps sustain me.  We will be doing a "Blessing of the Semester" service at 1:00 on Sunday which will be similar to a house blessing but with full Anglican procession, incense, and asperges.  We may have 5 or 25.  My prayer is that it will arouse curiosity and interest in who we are and what we're doing.  My prayer for the Plaza/DSU Prayer Station is that those in the CNU Community who need it may find it and that all who encounter it will feel the presence of God more deeply.  Into the woods of a new semester we go.  May God bless us all!