During our recent benefit concert, we served our SoBar drinks, and they were a huge hit. Strawberry, raspberry, and blackberry lemonade garnished with fresh fruit, caramel apple cider steaming hot, coffee and tea with flavored syrups, and Italian sodas. They looked fresh and festive, and they tasted great. And everyone had a good time. No one had to worry about being safe driving home. Everyone remembered the evening's events. Six years ago I began working at SpiritWorks Foundation: Center for Recovery of the Soul, a recovery community organization for people healing from the disease of addiction. In the months leading up to starting, I had a decision to make. Was I going to stop drinking alcohol?
I didn't drink until I got to college. The summer after graduating from high school, I dated an alcoholic, and that scared me. I knew how to have fun without imbibing, and I didn't really like the taste of it anyhow. But around March of my freshman year, being surrounded by so many people drinking and seeming to have such a good time doing so, I decided I need to learn how to drink. Ostensibly because I was a theatre major, and I wanted to be able to portray drunk characters realistically. Though I never learned to like beer, and wine gave me an instant headache, I did like sweet, fruity mixed drinks. Daiquiris, vodka collins, cosmopolitans, grasshoppers, fuzzy navels, and what became my drink of choice - white russians. I was careful because there is some alcoholism further back in my family, and I was scared of becoming dependent. But I did binge drink, and I was in a culture of drinking. I didn't have a car, so I never had to worry about being safe behind the wheel, and I rarely got hungover because I always drank a stadium cup of water and took two Advil before going to bed, but there were certainly times when I drank too much and some things I did while drinking that I'm not proud of.
When I graduated and went into professional theatre, I found drinking mixed drinks expensive, and I always had to be concerned about driving home. That caused me to drink less often and to have fewer drinks. I was always a light-weight. 1 or 2 drinks got me nicely buzzed, but I also knew that a little bit went a long way in decreasing my reflexes. Many nights I sat in the bar after a show, counting hours, hoping that I was waiting long enough to get in my car and go home.
By the time I became a priest, binge drinking was a thing of the past, but I did enjoy an occasional Mike's Hard Lemonade or Woodpecker Hard Cider. Alcohol wasn't a problem for me, but I was wary of it. I enjoyed it, but I found fewer times and places that I wanted to drink. As an ordained person, drunkenness seemed inappropriate, and I didn't want to drink on the job. On the job is most of the time now.
Alcohol wasn't a problem for me, but codependence was, and as I started attending support groups for my people-pleasing, controlling, compliant behaviors, I began spending more time with people in recovery of all kinds. The destructive power of alcohol became clear to me. So I needed to decide whether I could work for a recovery organization and continue drinking myself, even if it was only occasionally. Plenty of people do. Nothing wrong with having a glass of wine at home after a long day. Except that the people you're trying to help quit can't do that.
I decided that I couldn't work at SpiritWorks and continue to drink. So I quit. Almost seven years ago. I don't miss it at all. I never have to worry whether it's been long enough since I took my last drink to get behind the wheel. I never have to consider whether drinking alcohol is appropriate to a given situation. And I don't have to worry about the hypocrisy of asking another person to give up doing something that I'm not willing to give up. I'm not noble, and what I've done isn't special - clearly I wasn't addicted to alcohol, as I've never felt a compulsion to drink. There is relief and freedom, though, in not ever having to think about it. And gratitude - I don't need alcohol to have fun. Once upon a time I was so shy that I needed a couple of drinks in order to dance. At our benefit I was able to be the "Dancing Priest" during the BROADway Babes rendition of "Dancing Queen," and it was SO MUCH FUN!
