I don't have a picture from yesterday's time at the Prayer Station. I completely forgot to take one. About a half hour before I was due on campus, as I was sitting in my office at St. Stephen's taking care of some administrative tasks, I heard that a parishioner had died. As the rector is away at a continuing ed event, I immediately tried to call to reach the family. When the answering machine picked up, I heard the voice of the man who had died. It was so surreal in that moment. I had just heard that he had died, and yet there he was, talking to me through the phone. Though I didn't know him well, he had always been very kind to me and was known for taking pictures of me standing next to the bishop at big events. Tears welled up in my eyes as I struggled to make sound come out of my mouth to leave a message.
Needless to say, I was late to the Prayer Station. When I arrived I opted to sit outside. It was supposed to be in the 50's, but really it was 44. The sun was warm, but the wind was cold. When it stopped blowing, the sun was warm on my back, but it didn't stop very often. Still, it was good to be back in my spot outside, even though I had to keep shifting my spot to stay in the sun. I had a couple of conversations with Canterburians, and several people popped by for prayers. It always makes me smile when they want a hug afterwards. In college I was known as the Designated Hugger because I was always going around giving out hugs. But with Safe Church on my mind and the awareness that hugs are not what everyone wants, I now let others initiate unless I know them well already. To me the fact that they ask for a hug after prayer means that they've found some comfort and that they feel safe. One of the things I often complain to God about is that God is just so intangible. I find myself wishing that God could hug me. And of course God does, through other people. I hope for those who come to the Prayer Station that their experience is like receiving a hug from God, a moment in their day when they know that they're not alone.
As I sat, I kept thinking about the circle of life. A man in his 80's had died. A beautiful man with a big heart and such depth in his eyes. I thought about how much he had seen and done in his many years. He was at the end of life, and I am grateful that I had a little time to be with him though I am sad and will miss him. At the Prayer Station I see so much young life, new ideas, growing minds. They bike and skateboard and walk across the Plaza, headed to class, to lunch, to study or to hang out with one another. They are just starting out. And here I sit, halfway between those who are just starting out and those who are finishing up their lives.
It's been a hard week for me. I found that I didn't have a lot of deep thoughts. Instead I just sat and watched and listened and prayed. Being at the Prayer Station is kind of like a hug from God for me.
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