I arrived today at the prayer station harried and worn out. Yesterday I had taken my car to the shop for a coolant leak only to find that it needs a new water pump to the tune of a grand and many hours of labor. That meant no car for today. Fortunately Jan Brown loaned me hers, so I could get to the prayer station and to Eucharist. For that I was grateful. At the same time, I have awakened the past few mornings feeling stressed and anxious and even depressed. Turning on the news and scrolling through Facebook show me again and again that Everything Is Awful in the world right now. From racial injustice to ebola to ISIS to political vitriol and growing rage and hate, I feel overwhelmed by dark things in our world. And then more particular stress includes a very busy few weeks at both jobs with little time for breathing, rest or pre-holiday activities. Add increasing costs of insurance and car repairs and other expenses, and I've had a hard time finding serenity this Advent. I long for peace, and instead I feel simultaneously agitated and weary.
In the rooms of recovery we say that the best antidote for fear, depression, anxiety or other negative emotions is gratitude. Today I got to witness that in abundance. The primary theme of my conversations with students today was gratitude. Several young women whom I've prayed with before came by to tell me that things in their lives were better and to say thank you to me for my presence and my prayers. A number of other students whom I hadn't met came up just to say that they'd seen me previously from a distance and they wanted to thank me for me being there. One young man saw my sign and gave me a thumbs up while I was talking with a staff member who had dropped by for conversation, and then he returned a few moments later to ask if he could take a picture of the sign.
There were a few students clearly feeling stressed by the amount of work they yet need to do this semester, and I was able to say prayers with them, but others simply wanted to say how thankful they were that their work is almost done. Many people walked by with a smile and a hello even when they didn't stop. One woman clearly read the part of the sign that says, "Tell me your stories about God," and said, "God is good." All the time. It was very cold at the prayer station today, but I turned on my little heater and it took the chill off of my legs. One student asked if she could pray for me and said a prayer right then and there for people struggling with addiction and for release from stress. Though no skateboard dudes were out today, I was able to catch up with one of them later in the coffee shop. He's taking a class on C.S. Lewis. Cool! When I told him I would be there for awhile next week before I head off to do a healing service on the Eastern Shore, he said, "You have the coolest job." I do.
Sometimes it seems like Everything is Awful. And many things are right now. But focusing on gratitude for what is good serves to lighten my heart. Today at CNU I received prayers and blessings and gratitude, and it fanned the small flame of hope inside that never quite goes out, no matter how the darkness grow. The light shines in that darkness and the darkness does not overcome it. I am grateful today for the students and others I encounter in the CNU community and for the gift of this prayer ministry which feeds me as much as it does those for whom I pray.
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