View from the Plaza Prayer Station: Time Takes Time

New Prayer Station Location  - nice flowers!

In recovery circles we have a saying, "Time takes time."  It seems like a "duh" saying.  But whenever I hear it, I sigh with a deep recognition - right, time does take time, and it doesn't matter how much I want things to move faster, they take the time that they need to take.  Anyone who has tried to build a relationship knows this.  Part of the reason I moved out into the Plaza was to start building relationships.  I have some good relationships with the students who come to the Canterbury meetings and Eucharist - we've had time to spend together and get to know each other.  So why would it be a surprise that the relationships in the Plaza also need time to grow?

Yesterday I was blessed again by a steady stream of visitors, including President Trible who saw the station for the first time.  He thanked me and said, "Please pray for me and for CNU" over his shoulder as he walked into lunch.  I do.  Every week.  In between student visits, during my "campus prayer time," I usually start with him and the administration and then faculty, staff, and students, before heading on to other intercessory prayers.  But I'm finding I have less time for quiet prayer. 

I had a few more "drive by" prayer requests yesterday, students who make a beeline for me, stay standing, and usually ask for prayer for a loved one who is sick or suffering.  These students are often in a hurry, on their way to class or a meeting, but their loved one is heavy on their hearts and so they ask for a prayer.  I don't know them before they come over, and I don't know if I'll ever encounter them again.  We pray for them and their loved ones during the Prayers of the People at Eucharist later in the day, too. Last year Becca Stevens, who is the chaplain at Vanderbilt, told me that I should never feel bad about a ministry of presence.  She said, "They'll find you when they need you."  It seems like they are.  Even when I feel invisible, they are taking notice. 

I also had a continual flow of "chair chatters," people who plop right down in the chair beside me and start to share.  Sometimes they make casual conversation, and other times they start pouring out whatever is troubling them at the moment.  Sometimes they ask me questions; they're so curious about my college experience and what I think about what's going on in their lives.  We talk about vocational discernment, relationships, plans for the future, academic stress, leadership of small groups, and campus events.  Most of them asked me about my fall break and what I had done.

One young woman hadn't come by in a few weeks and said she realized that today was Thursday and she would get to see me.  "I don't know you very well, but I just want to hang out with you."  High praise, in my mind.  I had been wondering where she had been as I had missed seeing her on previous days.  She was living her life.  It takes time to build relationships, and these students have so much on their plates. Today we got to "hang out" and get to know each other a little better. 

Time takes time.  It takes time to find the best spot for this ministry - a spot that's visible but not in the way, with the appropriate amount of shade or sun.  Soon it will start to get cold, and I'll need to relocate again.  It will probably take time for the students to re-find me when I do.  It takes time to build trust, to learn enough information that I don't repeatedly ask what someone's major is or where they're from.  It takes time to establish presence - that I'm not a creepy stalker priest or an "in your face" religious person, that I'm safe and supportive and willing to listen.  It takes time to know and be known.  What a blessing to have this time.

View from the Plaza Prayer Station: Twinkies, Seed Planting, and Fall Break

Activities in the Plaza

I haven't had a chance to blog about last week's time at the Plaza Prayer Station because I left immediately afterward to begin my journey to Georgia for my mother's 70th birthday party.  But it was another amazing day with beautiful weather and a fairly constant stream of students.  It felt a little like a festival in the Plaza - three groups had set up before I arrived.  The sorority Pinktober lemonade stand was back on the opposite side of the Plaza, and on the side I usually sit on were the Student Assembly and a fraternity raising money for the Special Olympics.  Many more people were hanging out and passing through.  I learned that mid-terms were over for many students though some still had one or two to take.  But there was a lightness that hadn't been there the week before that I think had to do with the closeness of fall break.  I set up in a new location, much closer to the door of the DSU (David Student Union).

Leftover Twinkies

At one point in the afternoon, I noticed a large group had gathered around the fraternity tent.  Music played loudly, and it looked like the crowd was watching something.  I wondered if it was some kind of dancing or flash mob type thing.  Though I couldn't see what was going on,  I later learned that it had been a twinkie-eating contest.  I think that the winner ate 9 twinkies in 1 minute.  Someone came over with the leftover twinkies and said, "Would you like a twinkie, ma'am?"  (It's still hard for me to be comfortable being a "ma'am.")  I took one and, of course, was sorry that I had when I bit into it.  They have not gotten better since the last one I tried!

Skateboard dudes hung out with me as well as some students I hadn't met previously.  It was a blend of students asking for prayers and students who settled in to my extra chair for a chat.  I felt deeply honored by the conversations that I had with some of the students.  One talked to me about the challenges of planting seeds - how one never knows what, if anything, will grow.  He asked me if I'd ever planted any seeds in my life that had born fruit 20 or 30 years later.  (I'm not sure how old he thinks I am!)  I was able to share with him stories of my time in the theatre and how so many people there were "refugees from religion" and how I preached the gospel to them without words but just by living my life as best I could, going to church and sharing my experiences.  Since leaving theatre I have received several emails and letters from people who told me that my example had led them back to church.  I had no idea I was having that impact at the time.  Certainly wasn't what I was trying to do, and yet I'm so grateful to hear those stories.  Paul planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth (1 Cor. 3:6).  It is a blessing when we get to see that growth.

Canterburian Megan with sign

The previous week I had felt a bit discouraged by the lack of student visitors, and I thought maybe my seeds weren't going to to grow after all, but last Thursday, the station was overflowing.  Some of the students who came for a chat ended by asking for a prayer about what we had discussed.  Everyone who stopped by seemed to leave feeling blessed.  What they may not know is how blessed I feel that they take time out of their day to come up to a "ma'am" and share their lives and concerns and anxieties and joys with me.  I don't fix anything for them, I just listen and sometimes ask questions and every now and then I intentionally plant a seed.  It's up to God, of course, to give the growth, but I try to keep planting faithfully, praying that I'll get to continue seeing the growth each week and also knowing that there are times when the seeds are buried deep in the ground and need more time to sprout. 

View from the Plaza Prayer Station: Walk Humbly with Your God

On Thursday I headed out into the Plaza with high hopes.  I'd received so much publicity and positive feedback about the prayer station in the past week.  It might have gone to my head just a bit.  Not to worry.  There are always new opportunities for humility.

When I got to the Plaza I noticed that I would be sharing the space with one of the campus sororities.  They were giving away pink lemonade as one of their "Pinktober" events to raise awareness and funds for breast cancer research. "My" spot was available, so I set up my sign and chairs, ate my granola bar and eagerly awaited my first visitors.  I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  It seemed like there weren't as many people in the Plaza.  No skateboard dudes.  Not as many students eating their lunch outside.  Well, mid-terms are next week, I thought.  Maybe everyone is studying. 

The longer I sat without visitors, the more I had to remind myself that my primary purpose in sitting there is to pray.  And I can do that whether individuals come up to me or not.  So I did pray, for all the students I know and the concerns that have been brought to me in past weeks, for faculty, administration and staff, for other campus ministries, for seminaries, especially General, and for any other concerns that came to my mind.  I prayed with my rosary.  I prayed noonday prayer and the noonday family devotions.  I tried to radiate a sense of peace and calm for those who might be anxious or taking tests.  I imagined a wave of love emanating from the Plaza and extending throughout the campus.  At one point I got up and went over to the "Drink Pink" booth for a cup of pink lemonade.  I made a donation in honor of my mom who is a two-time survivor and whose 70th birthday is this week. 

Posing with President Trible

I tried not to be disappointed. I also tried not to over-analyze whether my spot is in the best locationor whether I need to move.  It seemed like the women of Zeta Tau Alpha were having similar issues, though more people wanted free lemonade than prayers. I watched as they tried to figure out how to get more visitors to their booth.  They were very excited when President Trible came over and posed for a picture with them.  I heard them wondering whether a different entrance to the Student Union might have more traffic.  When one of them started to walk away, I heard another say, "Don't leave," and I smiled.  It's a little scary out there in the Plaza on your own.  Best not to do it alone!

As I sat there I remembered that I wasn't alone either.  So many people were praying for me and for the ministry.  And of course, God is there too.  At our Canterbury meetings we've been talking about where we've encountered God during the week.  I've noticed that most of us tend to share moments of happiness or answered prayers.  We tend to associate God's presence with times of joy and positive outcomes.  But is God any less present when a chaplain sits and prays for a campus by herself than when students flock up to her?  Do we only thank God when we get what we want or when it goes better than expected?  As I've reflected on this week's time at the prayer station, I've come to realize that God may have been present in a very different way, but in the midst of all my expectations, it was hard to see.

It had been an exciting but exhausting week for me at both my ministry sites.  Lots of publicity, pictures with the governor, long nights of working on an essay for a contest, and a bit of an intestinal thingy that wasn't serious but left me feeling a little weak and not able to eat much.  I was longing for rest and renewal.  And isn't that what I received as I sat in a comfortable chair on a beautiful day watching the clouds drift and praying for the well-being of others?  A gift of rest.  A gift of time just to be.  It didn't feed my ego.  But it did feed my soul.  So my prayer this week for those at CNU and any others who need it is that you will also receive the gift of some "still time," time for being, time for waiting, time for walking humbly with God.  May you be open to the gift of that time, and may it nourish and restore you.

 

Forecast from the Plaza Prayer Station: Overcast with a Request for Prayer

Yesterday it rained.  And rained.  And rained and rained and rained.  I prayed that today would be clear for my time at the Plaza Prayer Station.  I haven't yet figured out the rain plan.  Today dawned overcast, but no rain.  (Thanks, God!)  A little chilly, but not cold.  No need to find a shady spot in the Plaza today.  When I arrived, the Multicultural Student Association had set up a Spanish Fiesta in the corner that I have come to think of as "my spot."  Spanish food and beverages called out invitingly from tables.  I didn't want to intrude on the event, so I found a different spot, still in view of the chapel.  Apparently there was supposed to be dancing at the Spanish Fiesta, but the speaker system wasn't working, so no salsa today.  I would have enjoyed watching that.  Several of the MSA students came over to see what I was doing and expressed their appreciation. 

Each time I go, it's a little different.  I told myself, "Be open."  Open to a new location.  Open to a new experience.  Open to whatever God brings on a given day.  Today one of my skateboard "dudes" dropped by for a couple of minutes, but for the most part the station functioned the way I had originally imagined it, with students and even staff stopping by for a prayer.  Prayers were requested for injuries, for sick relatives, for clarity and growth. I broke out my oil stock for a wounded eye.  I lost count, but I would guess I had at least 10 prayer requests in about an hour and a half.  A few stopped in to ask what it was all about, and one person called out in passing that I could pray for everyone to be okay.

One of my favorite moments was when I returned to the station after a bathroom break and discovered a student taking a picture of the "How may I pray for you?" sign with his phone.  He told me he was really glad that someone was doing this.  Several people walked by and said "Thank you," and many more smiled.  After I said a prayer for one person, she asked me how she could pray for me.  A gift!

I find that I am at peace in this ministry, though I could still use a little more confidence in my ability to pray extemporaneously.  Each Thursday I want to get there earlier and stay later.  I think I would enjoy being out there all day if I didn't have other responsibilities to attend to as well.  And if the rain held off.  I'm guessing I need to come up with the rain/cold location next.  I had thought it would be the coffee shop, but it's so crowded and loud.  It's tough to find an inside spot that is both visible and yet private and quiet enough for a conversation or a moment of prayer. 

Today is the first day I've had people read the sign, stop, turn around, and come up to me to ask for a prayer.  It seems to be filling a need, and for that I am grateful.  It makes me wonder where else we could set up prayer stations or "praying posts" if you will.  Again - not in order to find members or create pledging units, but to carry a ministry of presence into the world and meet people where they are.  The students are so grateful for the prayers.  Who else might be longing for them as well?

View of Trible Library from my chair

View from the Plaza Prayer Station: Never Underestimate God

I had such low expectations for this ministry.  My whole goal was to be brave enough to set up a sign and sit next to it.  I had figured it would take a long time for students to get used to me being there.  Never underestimate God. 

Week 1:  I show up with sign and chair and nervously sit and pray.
Week 2:  One of "my" students comes by to say hello and then a handful of "new" students come over to check out the prayer station and stand around chatting with me.
Week 3:  "Repeat customers" come over as soon as I arrive and plop down next to me on chair and bench, sharing concerns about their lives, asking about my faith tradition and why I started this ministry, conversing about the Enneagram and labyrinths, and sharing pictures of their projects for art class.  I extend the time I'm there to accommodate the traffic and to give myself time to pray once the Plaza clears out for class.

In three weeks this ministry went from no visitors at all to a constant stream of students hanging out, coming and going, checking in and introducing me to friends.  New lesson this week:  eat lunch before I come because once I sit down, there's no time for food.  And:  Never underestimate God.

I have been praying for a way to reach more students.  Fliers, campus email and tv announcements, Facebook, texts, and banners have failed to reach more than a handful of students.  Or our message hasn't been compelling enough to stand out from the plethora of campus activities.  And so, in the interest of ministering to a campus instead of just trying to grow a group, I wanted to figure out what a small Episcopal campus ministry could offer this school.  Many of the students already participate in campus ministries like InterVarsity, Campus Crusade (CRU), RUF, or Young Life, and many more participate in the astounding variety of Bible studies provided on campus.  We began offering a weekday Eucharist last semester, but that's still hidden away in the chapel (even with all the aforementioned advertising.)  It feeds a few, and that's wonderful, but I thought we could do more.  How, though, to become visible?  (Especially if we are shy and introverted!)

Last year I tried bringing Micah the black lab puppy.  Lots of students came up to pet him - he was a big hit.  But conversations ranged from "May I pet your dog?" to "Thanks for letting me pet your dog," to questions about Micah's age and known tricks.  And, we couldn't go inside.  I interacted with students, and I understand that some chaplains are able to transform the interest in the dog into deeper conversation.  I am not so gifted.     

This prayer station ministry, though, seems to be working.  Not to grow a group.  To minister to the campus.  The students I talk to are leading their own Bible studies as part of another campus ministry.  And yet they are drawn to the presence of a person praying for them, someone who doesn't judge or grade them, someone who isn't there to enforce rules, someone with a little more life experience, someone who has time to listen.  And maybe that's the most important thing - being visibly available to listen.  One person told me that after she had met me last week, she came through the next day and looked over to "my" corner of the Plaza and felt sad that no one was there.  Another person said she had seen the station on the way to her chemistry test and it made her smile.  Many of the ones who spoke to me yesterday said they'd see me next week.  They wanted to know what day and what hours I would be there.  

Maybe next week I'll take a prayer book.  Maybe we'll spontaneously start doing noon-day prayer together.  Maybe I'll bring the portable labyrinth from SpiritWorks.  Maybe I'll have another week where no one comes.  But they will see me, sitting there, available if they need me, ready to listen.  There's no telling what might happen.  We need to stay open for surprises - there's no telling what God might do next. 

Plaza Prayer Station

View of Great Lawn behind the Prayer Station

View from the Plaza Prayer Station: Do Not Assume

The second day of the CNU prayer ministry dawned hot and very humid.  I had decided to arrive a little earlier than the week before in order to be present for the peak of lunch - the most crowded time in the Plaza. 

As I settled in, I realized that I was looking right at the chapel.  A good focus for me as I prayed. When I had stopped by St. Stephen's on my way in, I learned that the Bible study group had been praying for me.  I had asked the congregation to pray for this new ministry the Sunday before, so I was delightfully surprised when I learned that they actually were.  My rector also offered me a rosary to take - another good focus for prayer.  This time I was more ready.  I put my phone away after taking a picture of the chapel, and made an agreement with myself that I wouldn't check it until the end of the hour. I knew several people were praying for me, and I wanted to do my part - praying for the campus until someone came up to ask for prayer.

Right in front of me a group of students was hanging out, having a wonderful time.  Two guys with skateboards seemed to know everyone who passed through the Plaza.  If we'd been in another setting, I might have described the two as surfer dudes.  I was a little nervous sitting so close, afraid that they would find the woman in the black shirt and white collar "uncool."  I assumed that they weren't the praying types and was scared they might even make fun of me.  But I couldn't help smiling because they looked like they were having such a great time. 

Though this wasn't a surprise for me, I rediscovered how easily distracted I am when I'm trying to pray, especially when I'm also trying to maintain an open and friendly disposition so as to encourage students to stop in for a prayer.  The rosary helped.  I prayed for all the students in Canterbury by name and all the other students I know as well.  I prayed for the campus, for those who are lonely or struggling or taking tests, for those who are struggling with addiction or any other trouble.  I prayed for faculty and staff.  I prayed for Sewanee and Seabury and the other campus ministries of our diocese and their chaplains and other clergy I know and anyone else who came to mind. 

And then a student I know came up to say hello.  The first person to break the invisible barrier that seemed to be preventing people from stopping to talk.  Plenty of people were passing by and reading the sign, and some even smiled, but until the one student stopped in, no one had spoken.  We talked for a minute and I offered a prayer.  It wasn't long before one of the skateboard dudes came over to talk.  "Here it comes," I thought.  I put on my most welcoming, trying-to-be-cool-while-sweating-in-a-clergy-shirt-and-please-don't-say-anything-mean-to-me smile.  "I think what you're doing is cool," he said. 

Lesson # 1 - Do not assume that surfer looking dudes don't pray. 

The guy and a couple of his friends talked to me for about 20 minutes or so.  They asked what I was praying for, told me about the Bible studies they lead, talked about an interest in "liturgical" prayer, and chatted about things that interested them.

Lesson # 2 - Do not assume that members of a differing campus ministry will think poorly of the prayer ministry I'm offering.

The consensus among this group of students was that visible prayer ministry was a good thing. One student came up after the others had left and chatted for awhile and then gratefully received the prayer I offered. 

Lesson # 3 - Just don't assume anything.  Stay open to each moment and what it will bring.

Ministry of presence is hard for me.  I feel like I need to be "doing" something and that there needs to be some way to measure it.  What matters, though, is the showing up and the "being" there.  I imagine it will be different each day that I go, and that I will continue to be surprised.  I look forward to what new lessons time at the Plaza Prayer Station will bring.

How May I Pray for You?

Sometime last spring I read a blog post by Jonathan Melton, campus minister at University of Wisconsin-Madison.  In the post Jonathan talked about starting what I call a "chapel steps" ministry in which he put out a couple of chairs next to a sign that said, "How may I pray for you?"  Although I didn't remember all the details, that blog post lodged itself in my brain, and from time to time I would think about it and ask myself whether I wanted to start such a ministry at CNU.  What he did sounded so brave to this shy introvert.  But it also sounded like a way to have an actual praying ministry on campus, and that appealed to me.

I ran the idea of the prayer ministry past my students, and they said, "If you're willing to do it, we think it's great."  That was the real question - was I willing to do it?  In my head where I'm courageous and filled with great ideas, I was absolutely willing to do it.  But then fear and worry took over when I tried to picture how I was actually going to do it.  So I found Jonathan's blog post and reread it.

Jonathan's question was "How shall I sit?"  My question was, "How do I make the sign?"  When I'm  nervous, I can get stuck on details like that, and then I have a very convenient excuse for not getting around to the actual ministry.  What kind of sign should I get?  What should I put on the sign?  Where should the sign go?  I figured it might take at least another year to figure out the whole sign thing.  So I decided to cut myself off at the pass, and I emailed Jonathan to ask him about his sign.  He very graciously shared where he had gotten his sign as well as sharing some of what he had learned from his prayer ministry with me.  I had no more excuses.  So I ordered a sign and some brightly colored chalk markers. 

On the day I had decided to start the prayer ministry, I walked onto campus and immediately got cold feet despite the almost 90 degree temperature.  I had decided to sit from 1-2 in the Plaza between the student union and the library.  Though I wanted to sit on the chapel steps, not much foot traffic goes by there, so I wanted to be where the students are.  I thought I would scope out my location before dragging the beautiful but way-too-heavy sign to the Plaza.  As soon as I got there and saw all the students milling about for a "Meet the Greeks" event, fear took over.  "I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this."  I told myself it was okay to have a day to scout things out and that I could start the actual ministry the following week.  And then I remembered that the night before I had asked a friend to pray for me and she had said she would set an alarm.  She was praying.  How could I go back and tell her that I hadn't even tried?  So I said my own prayer for strength and courage, and I went to my car to get the sign and the chairs and some water.  A student saw me struggling with the sign and came over to help me carry it.  I thanked him and, after picking a spot in the shade but off to the side, I sat down by the sign to begin my hour of prayer.

On that first day, no one came up for prayer or even spoke, though a few people smiled on their way past.  It didn't matter to me, though.  I prayed for the campus and the students in the Canterbury Club.  At the end of the hour I packed up.  It had been a success.  Not because students had come up asking for prayer - I really hadn't expected that would happen on the first day.  Not because I had helped the Canterbury Club grow in membership.  Not because I had been especially focused in the time of prayer.  No, it was a success because I showed up.  Someone prayed for me, and that helped me to pray for others.  It was really very simple.  Didn't require a lot of courage at all.  By showing up that first time, I knew I would be able to continue the ministry on another day, and hopefully over time it would involve more and more people praying and receiving prayer. 

So, if you're reading this, I invite you to pray for the CNU Episcopal Campus Ministry prayer station.  And be sure to let us know how we may pray for you.