For awhile now I have been struggling with what I suppose to be peri-menopausal symptoms that mostly affect my mood. Anxiety/agitation takes over my body, making me feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. Depression/hopelessness drags me down, making everything seem difficult. Fatigue saps my energy and causes me to feel like I'm struggling through molasses to get up in the morning and then frequently overtakes me during the day. Some days I just put one foot in front of the other. I've tried many things with varying degrees of success, but recently the fatigue and roller coaster emotions have really been tough. Thursday I went to Acupuncture Works for my first session of acupuncture, at the recommendation of my therapist. I hate needles, and I've been known to pass out when giving blood. But I've been so miserable that I was willing to try anything.
They say acupuncture doesn't hurt, and it's true. Mostly. I did feel a little prick from a couple of the needles, but only briefly, and not enough to be upsetting. With a lavender eye mask over my closed eyes, resting comfortably with pillows supporting my head and knees, I felt like I was floating. I drifted into what I call "lala land," a place that is almost sleep, but not quite - a place that I imagine some people experience in meditation but I almost never do. I floated there, head chatter fading after a few minutes, feeling a deep, peaceful rest. When the session was over, I felt spacey. That evening I was a little off, going through short spurts of moods, even while I was walking the labyrinth.
Then came what I consider a minor miracle. Or maybe not so minor. On Friday morning I woke up before my alarm and had energy! I don't realize how poorly I'm feeling until I feel good again. And yesterday was truly remarkable. I had energy all day. Even with all the cake and other sweets that I ate! All week I had felt like I was running on the last wisps of fumes of fuel in my tank. Today I also woke up with energy. I am so grateful.
I love birthdays. I always have. It's the one day we get to celebrate ourselves and how amazing it is that God put us here on this earth. It's our own personal new year's day. I've never been one to hide from or dread birthdays. (There was some grief at 40 when I realized I was probably not going to have children, so that one was bittersweet.) I embrace them. I am 49, almost half a century. Thanks be to God. My birthday wish is that all of us find joy in each day and love each other well. May we all know the love of the one who created us and spread that love with abandon. And may we all wake up with energy and purpose, facing our challenges and blessings with grace and returning to sleep each night with gratitude in our hearts.
