Surgery, Self-Care, and the Election

On Wednesday morning I woke up with dread in my heart and went downstairs to turn on the news. When I saw the headline, I instantly turned it back off.  I didn't watch anymore, and I didn't look at FaceBook for a few days.  I started to sink into a depression as I imagined all the terrible things that could happen, the most frightening of which had to do with nuclear weapons.  By the time I got to Morning Prayer with my fellow Bruton Parish clergy, I was barely able to lead the service as I choked back tears.  The words of the liturgy were comforting, and I was grateful I could just read them.

Later I asked to assist at our healing Eucharist.  When someone asked why there were two clergy there when we usually have one, I answered, "Sometimes you just need to be at church."  I needed the Eucharist.  And I wanted healing prayer.

I'm having surgery on Tuesday.  I have a dermoid cyst in my right ovary causing it to more than double in size, and the whole thing has to come out.  Turns out dermoid cysts are weird things that contain genetic material like hair, bones, teeth, and skin.  As a child I thought I came from another planet.  Seems as an adult I have a little alien inside.  Alien removal will happen on Tuesday.

The surgery will be outpatient, laparoscopic, and should take less than an hour.  No big deal.  But I will need time to rest and recuperate from the procedure and the anesthesia. And I know I can't go into it in a state of depression.  I have to keep my spirits up so that I will be able to heal.

So I have been working to take care of myself.  That means I have to be careful about how much news I can take in.  I have to eat right and sleep and walk.  I've had my house cleaned and took my car to get the oil changed.  I'm walking the labyrinth. And I even purchased a new bed, since the one I've been sleeping on is at least 25 years old.  On the airplane they say that you have to put on your own oxygen mask first before you help someone else with theirs.  If I don't take care of myself, then I won't be able to help anyone else and I will have a slower recovery from surgery.

Today I took a walk to the labyrinth after finishing my sermon.  The sugar maples blazed in their glorious fall foliage.  How I love them.  I soaked up the beauty, listened to the chirps of small birds, felt the crunch of acorns under my feet, and walked the sacred path, sinking into God's peace.

Most of all, I have been staying close to God.  How grateful I am to know that God is in charge.  Maybe I'm in denial - certainly I am appalled by the things that the president-elect has said and done, and I'm horrified at the potential for damage to our country and harm to those most vulnerable.

AND, I believe that God works through everything.  Even when I don't know how.  So, my friends who are grieving, raging, despairing, and afraid, I hear you.  Take your time to feel your feelings.  Be gentle with yourselves and your loved ones.  Take walks.  Plant bulbs.  Dig in the dirt.  Feel the sun on your face.  Give your bodies good food and move around.  Turn off the electronics for a bit and hold your loved ones close.  Be gentle.  Be gentle.  Be gentle.

There will be much work to be done to stand with the oppressed, to reach out to those in need, to hold the leaders accountable.  I am hoping and praying that things will not be as bad as they appear, but if they do go that way, we will need our strength.  We will get through this.  We must take care of ourselves so that we can be there for those who need us.  Love will win.  If you can't believe that now, I will believe it for you.  Love heals.  Love wins.