Some Days are Hard

Today was one of those days.  Actually, it's been one of those months.  On January 11 at SpiritWorks, the dropped ceiling in the room we call the Sober Cafe fell in, narrowly missing two people.  The silver lining is that we are getting a makeover on our space.  New ceiling, newly painted walls, and new carpet/flooring in most of the downstairs.  It's going to be great.  But it's taken almost a month, and during that time we've been operating in a construction zone.  On Tuesday the copier stopped working just when we needed to make First Fridays bulletins and copies for Annual Council.  When I got home last night, my printer had run out of ink.  This morning when I went to zip up my pants, the zipper broke.  When I got to CNU, I thought there was a weakening of the rain - so I rushed in to the chapel to get my sign, covered it with a garbage bag, and carried it to the DSU.  On my way back to the car the rain began dumping, and I was soaked.  Since the temperature had dropped, I was also freezing.  You may remember from other posts that I HATE being cold and wet. 

When I got back to my car I opened the door, climbed in, and shouted, "Seriously?!" at God.  After sitting there for awhile, contemplating driving home and going back to bed, I found my umbrella, and got out of the car.  As soon as I opened the umbrella, the wind blew it inside out.  "You are not funny," I said right out loud.  "Could something today please NOT be hard?" Getting the rest of my stuff out of the car and into the DSU was a struggle against rain and wind.  When I finally sat down in my chair, I was shivering from damp and cold, exacerbated by each opening of the rotunda doors.

I pulled out my Anglican rosary, said the Lord's prayer, and began praying for students, staff, administration, and others.  One of the guys from Thrive stopped by early on and asked me how my day was.  "A bit rough, but better now that I'm here."  It was true.  For two hours all I had to do was sit and pray.  Not that my mind didn't wander to the multiple stresses in my life right now, but each time students passed by, I got to connect with them.  I found myself blessing them as they came in soaked and wet.  One student told me he didn't really mind the rain.  Many students had on shorts.  Brrr...  One had on bright pajama pants.  My flannel shirt lined with fleece wasn't sufficient to keep me warm; I can't imagine how the ones in shorts were doing.

When I went up for my weekly visit to the Office of Student Activities, I bumped into a student whom I've talked to many times.  He has high energy and a joyful presence.  Hearing about his excellent leadership on campus brings a smile to my face.  When he started talking about his day and how so many things were challenging, I felt like God was talking through him. He spoke about how difficult it is to discern where God is calling.  "Life is hard," he said.  Yes it is, especially today.  I kept asking God for a prayer station miracle.  Something to turn the day around.  My young friend looked at me and said, "You've got it altogether."  I laughed out loud and told him that it may look like that but that one of the advantages of having lived a little longer is realizing that rarely do people "have it altogether." 

When I walked into OSA, my staff friend (whose daughter is a cheetah keeper, by the way) said, "Thanks for reminding me that it's Thursday.  You are my rock."  We had a great conversation, and she read me a meditation about "When everything is going wrong."  I told her that God probably meant for her to share it with me since I was having a hard day.  "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God."  

By the end of my prayer station time I was miserable with the cold, but at least the rain had let up a bit because while I was visiting the OSA the garbage bag I had used to protect the sign had disappeared.  As I started carrying my stuff out to the car, I bumped into another student I know, and he helped me carry the sign and then came back and helped me carry everything else.  Shortly thereafter the rain started up again with a vengeance. 

There isn't a miraculous end to this story.  It was just a hard day.  I was anxious and irritable and wet and cold.  Bright moments punctured my dark mood, mostly when I was connected with the students.  But some days are hard.  We hear about them a lot in the Psalms.  We don't have to force ourselves to be cheerful and pretend that everything is going well.  But we can allow others to minister to us and pray for us.  It's hard to say that I'm grateful for a hard day, but it's the hard days that help me appreciate the good days.