Every day I talk to people who are victims - of disease, abuse, racism, crime, sexism, classism, trauma, addiction, bullying and the list goes on and on. These people tell stories of the horrible things they have experienced, and my heart breaks listening to them. They need lots of understanding and compassion and love. They deserve apologies, acceptance, and new beginnings. Some of them will get these things. Others will not.
What I'm thinking about this morning is how amazed I am when I meet people who have decided that they're not going to be victims any more. These people may or may not receive what they deserve or get what they need. But somewhere inside they must have made a decision that life would be better if they stopped being a victim. It's those people I want to learn from.
I have been a victim to some things in my life that were important to me though not as tragic as others. I find it's seductive to remain in that place of "victimness," especially when it took me so long to admit that the things that happened to me were wrong and stopped burying them under my "Make lemonade" smile. Sometimes the lemons are just rotten and the lemonade they make will be rotten, too. At the same time, life as a victim sucks. I don't want to invalidate the reality of my or anyone else's horrible experiences or deny my feelings as I have so often done. But I also don't want to get stuck. I get to choose how I respond to what happens in my life.
My daily meditation from Melody Beattie's The Lauguage of Letting Go this morning was titled, "Removing the victim." She writes: "The issue is not whether others
see or care. The issue is whether we see and care about ourselves...
It is our job to have compassion for ourselves. When we do, we have
taken the first steps to removing ourselves as victims." Sometimes when I get stuck in my victim status, it's because I'm seeking understanding, compassion, and apologies from others. Or I'm looking to be rescued or fixed. This meditation gave me a new way of looking at things - instead of searching for comfort and care outside myself, what I really need to do is have compassion for myself. Not a pity party, but true compassion and acceptance. And then I can take steps toward making it different.
This Lent I've been working on forgiveness. At the beginning of Lent I wrote down 40 names of people I need to forgive and folded them up and put them in a container. Six days a week I pull out a name, read it, and pray for God to help me forgive that person. Some come easily. Some do not. On Sundays I work on forgiving myself. This morning I read a quote on my friend Les Carpenter's FaceBook page. A character named Giles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer said it, "To forgive is an act of compassion [...] It's not done because people deserve it. It is done because people need it."
We all need forgiveness. We don't deserve it. The same is true for those who have hurt us. When we offer forgiveness to them and to ourselves, we take another step on the road to removing ourselves as victims. Holding on to the hurt and the pain and the anger and the sadness just keeps me miserable. Freedom comes when I can let go and offer it all up to God and begin new. I can choose to do that each day. With God's help. And live my life not as a victim, but as a joyful child of God. It's my choice. And yours too.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
Learning from Moms in Recovery
Twenty hours a week I work at SpiritWorks Foundation: Center for Recovery of the Soul, a community recovery center in Williamsburg. Our primary mission is in working with people who have been impacted by addiction - and truly that pretty much includes everyone. I'd be curious to know if there are people out there who haven't struggled with some form of addiction or don't have any loved ones who have. In a normal week visitors to our center include people in recovery from alcohol, drug, food and other addictions, codependents, people struggling with mental illness, people getting out of jail or prison, homeless people, parents, spouses, and children of addicted people, mentors and volunteers, and, most recently, moms in recovery.
It is our new "Moms in Recovery" program that has been teaching me so much about trust recently. We work with the Southeastern Family Project (SEFP) located in Newport News. This is a program for women who are pregnant and who would be having their babies in jail. Instead they get to serve some of their time at SEFP where they live together in a house attending daily meetings and groups, parenting classes, and other activities designed to help them get back on their feet and begin a new life with their babies. They are permitted to stay for 60 days after their babies are born.
Most of these moms will be released when they have completed the SEFP program. Some will still have jail time to serve. A few have families and friends to return to when they leave. Many have nowhere to go. They will be released to shelters with their infants.
Every time I start to worry about something in my life, I think about these women, and it puts it all into perspective for me. All of them have trauma in their backgrounds. And they are all struggling with the disease of addiction, a nasty brain disease that has so much stigma attached to it. And they all have new babies who have little chance of escaping the cycle into which they are born. Many of these women are so determined to make a new life for themselves and their babies, and they reach out in trust that God's going to provide for them. There are so many obstacles to their success.
We have one mom in recovery who came to us before we started working with SEFP. She came out of jail two years ago, and despite enormous difficulties to overcome, she has not looked back. She has custody of her 5-year old son, a job and a home. She has had many setbacks, including an on-the-job back injury that workman's comp refused to pay for and that took her out of work for months. She has worked hard to get back on her feet, to pay off her fines, to be a good mom to her son, to become self-supporting, and to maintain her recovery. She inspires me every day. She has helped me to learn that God will provide. It may not always be easy, but what we need will be provided. We just have to surrender our need to control the outcome and let God work things out.
I am grateful daily for this work that allows me to meet such people. This Sunday's Gospel lesson is the parable of the prodigal son. It has become one of my favorite stories. I am so grateful for Jesus' witness that God welcomes us ALL back with open arms and loving heart and a party thrown on our behalf. I wish for all of God's children to know the warmth of that embrace, the abundance of that love, and the joy of that celebration.
It is our new "Moms in Recovery" program that has been teaching me so much about trust recently. We work with the Southeastern Family Project (SEFP) located in Newport News. This is a program for women who are pregnant and who would be having their babies in jail. Instead they get to serve some of their time at SEFP where they live together in a house attending daily meetings and groups, parenting classes, and other activities designed to help them get back on their feet and begin a new life with their babies. They are permitted to stay for 60 days after their babies are born.
Most of these moms will be released when they have completed the SEFP program. Some will still have jail time to serve. A few have families and friends to return to when they leave. Many have nowhere to go. They will be released to shelters with their infants.
Every time I start to worry about something in my life, I think about these women, and it puts it all into perspective for me. All of them have trauma in their backgrounds. And they are all struggling with the disease of addiction, a nasty brain disease that has so much stigma attached to it. And they all have new babies who have little chance of escaping the cycle into which they are born. Many of these women are so determined to make a new life for themselves and their babies, and they reach out in trust that God's going to provide for them. There are so many obstacles to their success.
We have one mom in recovery who came to us before we started working with SEFP. She came out of jail two years ago, and despite enormous difficulties to overcome, she has not looked back. She has custody of her 5-year old son, a job and a home. She has had many setbacks, including an on-the-job back injury that workman's comp refused to pay for and that took her out of work for months. She has worked hard to get back on her feet, to pay off her fines, to be a good mom to her son, to become self-supporting, and to maintain her recovery. She inspires me every day. She has helped me to learn that God will provide. It may not always be easy, but what we need will be provided. We just have to surrender our need to control the outcome and let God work things out.
I am grateful daily for this work that allows me to meet such people. This Sunday's Gospel lesson is the parable of the prodigal son. It has become one of my favorite stories. I am so grateful for Jesus' witness that God welcomes us ALL back with open arms and loving heart and a party thrown on our behalf. I wish for all of God's children to know the warmth of that embrace, the abundance of that love, and the joy of that celebration.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Trust
Every morning as part of my prayer and meditation time, I read a devotion from Melody Beattie's book, The Language of Letting Go. Here's what it said for today:
March 7 - Fulfillment
"'Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything.' Say it, until you believe it. Say it at the beginning of the day. Say it throughout the day.
Sometimes, it helps to know what we want and need. But if we don't, we can trust that God does.
When we ask, trust, and believe that our needs will be met, our needs will be met. Sometimes God cares about the silliest little things, if we do."
Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything. Even as a 1st world person living with food, shelter, jobs, car, clothing, and so many things, I still forget. I still worry. I worry about retirement. I'm only 43. I worry about health and how things will work out. I worry about where the money will come from, where the time will come from, how things will get done. I worry too much, and I've been told that it's a misuse of my imagination.
Everything I need shall be provided today. What if I really believed that? How would it change my day? Because everything I need has been provided today. Maybe not everything I wanted, but everything I needed. Maybe I could spend more time trusting that my needs will be met rather than imagining how they won't be.
Healing for me involves letting go of my anxiety and worry. Trusting that my needs will be met. Trusting that there will be enough money, insurance, time, energy, chocolate. There is enough. There is enough for the needs of today. And that's all we have. Today.
March 7 - Fulfillment
"'Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything.' Say it, until you believe it. Say it at the beginning of the day. Say it throughout the day.
Sometimes, it helps to know what we want and need. But if we don't, we can trust that God does.
When we ask, trust, and believe that our needs will be met, our needs will be met. Sometimes God cares about the silliest little things, if we do."
Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything. Even as a 1st world person living with food, shelter, jobs, car, clothing, and so many things, I still forget. I still worry. I worry about retirement. I'm only 43. I worry about health and how things will work out. I worry about where the money will come from, where the time will come from, how things will get done. I worry too much, and I've been told that it's a misuse of my imagination.
Everything I need shall be provided today. What if I really believed that? How would it change my day? Because everything I need has been provided today. Maybe not everything I wanted, but everything I needed. Maybe I could spend more time trusting that my needs will be met rather than imagining how they won't be.
Healing for me involves letting go of my anxiety and worry. Trusting that my needs will be met. Trusting that there will be enough money, insurance, time, energy, chocolate. There is enough. There is enough for the needs of today. And that's all we have. Today.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Election Healing
My mother forwarded an email to me from the Bishop of Atlanta, and I've posted it below. I met Rob Wright and his family over Labor Day weekend and was impressed. Now I'm even more so. Bishops are the spiritual leaders of the dioceses. In challenging times they have the opportunity to "rise above the fray" and provide spiritual leadership to their people. Thank you Bishop Wright for doing that. Jesus does call us to be peacemakers, and wherever we stand on the outcome of Tuesday's election, those of us who are Christians are first and foremost followers of Jesus. The big picture is that God is in control, not us, and certainly not anyone in political power.
In the aftermath of the election I have been so saddened by the intense rancor and vitriol that remain on social media and on television. I had hoped the negativity of the campaign would end when the election was over. I find myself praying for our country, praying for the healing of divisions, praying for cooperation and creativity to find solutions for all, praying for our leaders to come together to move our beloved country forward. In the words attributed to St. Francis, "Lord, make us instruments of your peace." And please, help us bring healing to our divided nation.
November 7, 2012
"Blessed are the peacemakers"
Brothers and Sisters, I greet you in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
By now you are well aware that our election season has come to an end. The people have spoken. For those elected, my prayer is that they would "...faithfully serve in their offices to promote the well-being of all people." BCP 822. For those not elected, I pray that God would make God's will for their life and gifts apparent and that they might have the faith to respond.
Beyond that, I write to encourage you.
While we certainly hold different political views and affiliations, we are first and foremost followers of Jesus Christ. That fact alone makes us trans-political. You might say in politics, but not of politics.
Being ultimately citizens of God's Kingdom, and one American family, my earnest hope is that in the days ahead, we might distinguish ourselves as people utterly committed to reconciliation in thought, word and deed. Rancor and vitriol destroy fellowship, but "a soft word turns away wrath." Proverbs 15.1 Right now, you and I have an opportunity to exercise our discipleship of Jesus Christ by being peacemakers wherever God has planted us. The power and grace to do this work comes from this simple prayer:
"Lord, make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow love." BCP 833
God bless you, God bless the State of Georgia and God bless the United States of America.
+ Rob Wright
Bishop, The Episcopal Diocese of Atlanta
In the aftermath of the election I have been so saddened by the intense rancor and vitriol that remain on social media and on television. I had hoped the negativity of the campaign would end when the election was over. I find myself praying for our country, praying for the healing of divisions, praying for cooperation and creativity to find solutions for all, praying for our leaders to come together to move our beloved country forward. In the words attributed to St. Francis, "Lord, make us instruments of your peace." And please, help us bring healing to our divided nation.
November 7, 2012
"Blessed are the peacemakers"
Brothers and Sisters, I greet you in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
By now you are well aware that our election season has come to an end. The people have spoken. For those elected, my prayer is that they would "...faithfully serve in their offices to promote the well-being of all people." BCP 822. For those not elected, I pray that God would make God's will for their life and gifts apparent and that they might have the faith to respond.
Beyond that, I write to encourage you.
While we certainly hold different political views and affiliations, we are first and foremost followers of Jesus Christ. That fact alone makes us trans-political. You might say in politics, but not of politics.
Being ultimately citizens of God's Kingdom, and one American family, my earnest hope is that in the days ahead, we might distinguish ourselves as people utterly committed to reconciliation in thought, word and deed. Rancor and vitriol destroy fellowship, but "a soft word turns away wrath." Proverbs 15.1 Right now, you and I have an opportunity to exercise our discipleship of Jesus Christ by being peacemakers wherever God has planted us. The power and grace to do this work comes from this simple prayer:
"Lord, make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow love." BCP 833
God bless you, God bless the State of Georgia and God bless the United States of America.
+ Rob Wright
Bishop, The Episcopal Diocese of Atlanta
Monday, November 5, 2012
I'm Back!
It's been a few years since I posted at my original Leaping Greenly Blog and now I'm trying it out again. I'm going to see if I will actually make posts before I let anyone know of the existence of this blog. My intention with this one is to discuss issues of healing and spirituality. I currently work as the Director of Community Programming at SpiritWorks Foundation Center for Recovery of the Soul in Williamsburg and as the Canterbury Chaplain to Christpher Newport University. College students and people in recovery. Meaningful work that feeds my soul.
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